One of the most delicate aspects that can impact the relationship is the emotional connection between spouses. In some cases, husbands may feel like they’re primarily wanted for their paycheck and not much else. When this perception is coupled with a lack of sexual intimacy, it can lead to feelings of neglect and resentment.
In this article, we’ll explore the reasons why your husband may feel this way and offer insights into how you can address these issues together as a couple.
You may also enjoy our podcast episode 130. Do You Feel Like You Are Only Wanted For A Paycheck?
1. Financial Dependency: One of the key factors contributing to your husband feeling like a paycheck is financial dependency. When one spouse is solely responsible for providing financially, it can create a power dynamic that leaves the other feeling vulnerable or less significant.
Now we are not saying this is bad as it is typically a husbands responsibility to provide for the family, but we do recognize every relationship is different. Husbands feel this way when their spouse is too tired to sexual intimacy, or other ways to connect.
We do social media videos talking about all aspects of marriage. What is amazing is all the comments we get in some of the videos from husbands expressing that they only feel like they are wanted for a paycheck.
“I feel like my wife just want’s me for the paycheck”
I must admit, I never thought about this subject until we started getting all these same comments and it become clear that there are so many husbands that feel like their only purpose in life is to provide income to their family.
We also wanted to see what our audience thought of this so we did a social media poll asking the following question:
As you can see, just over half of all respondents said they have felt that way!
In the poll and in comments, husbands express that they feel very unappreciated, taken for granted and lonely. They go to work early and come home late. There is no intimacy or connection with their spouse because their spouse is often too tired, or not in the mood.
They are often getting rejected sexually. They feel like an “outsider” in their own family and feel like the only thing their spouse wants them for is their financial support.
The reason men live is to make their wife happy. When they believe that they are not succeeding, or they feel they have nothing to offer her other than a paycheck, they will look for other ways to feel appreciated and valued and will often seek attention elsewhere.
Solution: Consider exploring ways for both spouses to contribute financially, even if it’s on a smaller scale. This can help balance the financial responsibility and provide a sense of equality. Or if you are a wife, show appreciation to your husband for all he does for the family. Spend quality time together and make your relationship important.
Prioritize sexual intimacy and connection in your marriage as that is how most husbands feel loved and appreciated is through physical touch.
2. Emotional Neglect: Financial dependency can sometimes lead to emotional neglect. Your husband may feel that his emotional needs aren’t being met, and his role is reduced to that of a provider.
Solution: Foster open and honest communication about your emotional needs and expectations within the relationship. Make an effort to connect emotionally through quality time, heartfelt conversations, and shared experiences.
3. Unresolved Relationship Issues: Underlying relationship issues can exacerbate feelings of neglect and financial dependency. If there are unaddressed conflicts or unresolved problems within your marriage, they can contribute to your husband’s perception.
Solution: Commit to addressing and resolving any issues within your marriage. Seek couples’ counseling or therapy if necessary to facilitate productive discussions and find solutions together.
Check out our great podcast we did on conflict resolution titled: 111. The Podcast Episode That Will Transform Your Marriage!
This has to be one of the best podcast episodes we have done, with information applicable to every relationship. In this episode Nick and Amy interview Tamara Fackrell (she is a divorce attorney, author and has a PHD in marriage and family relationships). Yes, you heard that correctly, a divorce attorney that is fighting to help couples not only survive, but thrive in marriage!
In this episode Tamara shares 10 things that can help with conflict resolution. The steps she provides are so simple and easy to understand, and are things that couples can do to transform their marriage quickly and keep them thriving in their relationship.
Trust us, this will be an episode that could be a game changer in your marriage… even if you already have a good marriage 🙂
4. Lack of Sexual Intimacy: The absence of sexual intimacy can intensify your husband’s feelings of being solely wanted for his paycheck. He may perceive that the physical aspect of your relationship is neglected, adding to his emotional burden.
Solution: Initiate a candid and compassionate conversation about your sexual intimacy. Discuss your desires, needs, and boundaries openly. Seek professional help if necessary to address any underlying issues causing the lack of intimacy.
5. Reinforce Appreciation: If your husband feels like his paycheck is the only thing that matters, it’s crucial to reinforce his overall contributions to the marriage. Express your appreciation for his emotional support, involvement in household responsibilities, and parenting roles.
Solution: Regularly acknowledge and thank your husband for his various contributions to the relationship. Ensure he understands that his value extends far beyond his financial support.
Addressing the complex feelings of financial dependency, emotional neglect, and the lack of sexual intimacy in a marriage requires open communication, empathy, and a willingness to work together as a team.
It’s essential for both spouses to recognize each other’s needs and actively strive to create a balanced and harmonious relationship that values all aspects of their connection, be it financial, emotional, or physical.