27 Oct

You may also enjoy this podcast 138. Sexpectations In Marriage.. And Why You Need To Talk About Them Together!

Sexpectations are the expectations you both have about sex in your marriage. This includes frequency of sexual intimacy, who initiates, foreplay, toys, what is ok and not ok, scheduled or spontaneous.. you get the point.

Discussing sexpectations together in your marriage is vital! How can you have better sexual intimacy (or anything else) if you don’t talk about it? Sex plays such an important role in marriage and you both need to be on the same page when it comes to sex. The more you discuss and talk about things in the bedroom, the more comfortable you are going to become, and the better the sexual intimacy will become in your marriage.

In this episode, Nick and Amy discuss what are good sexpectations, and the sexpectations they have in their marriage that work, especially since they both have different desire styles and drives. They also share specific ways to talk about your sexpectations and what you can do to have better sexual intimacy in your relationship.

What Is An Intimate Conversation?

Intimate conversations are the lifeblood of a thriving marriage. They create a deeper connection between spouses, fostering understanding, trust, and emotional intimacy. Having an intimate conversation with your spouse refers to engaging in a deep, meaningful, and emotionally connected dialogue that goes beyond surface-level communication.

In such conversations, you and your spouse share your thoughts, feelings, desires, and vulnerabilities in a way that strengthens your emotional bond and understanding of each other.

Here are 10 ways to have an intimate conversation with your spouse, each accompanied by a real-life experience to illustrate their effectiveness.

Find a Quiet and Comfortable Space

Creating the right environment is essential for intimate conversations. Find a quiet and comfortable space where you both feel relaxed and can focus on each other. This could be a cozy corner of your home or a peaceful spot in nature.

Experience: Sarah and David often found it challenging to have meaningful conversations amid the chaos of their daily lives. One weekend, they decided to take a walk in a nearby park, away from the distractions of home and work. Surrounded by nature’s beauty, they found it easier to open up and connect on a deeper level.

Put Away Screens and Devices

To truly engage in an intimate conversation, put away your phones, tablets, and other electronic devices. Eliminating distractions allows you to be fully present with your spouse.

Experience: Maria and Mark used to spend evenings together watching TV while scrolling through their phones. One evening, they turned off the TV and placed their phones in another room. Without the distractions, they ended up having a heartfelt conversation about their dreams and aspirations.

Practice Active Listening

Active listening involves not only hearing your spouse but also understanding and empathizing with their feelings and perspectives. Make eye contact, nod, and offer verbal affirmations to show that you’re fully engaged in the conversation.

Experience: Jessica noticed that her husband, Alex, often felt unheard. She decided to practice active listening by focusing entirely on what he was saying during a discussion about their future plans. This led to a deeper and more empathetic conversation.

Ask Open-Ended Questions

Instead of yes-or-no questions, ask open-ended questions that encourage your spouse to share their thoughts and feelings in more detail. This invites deeper, more meaningful conversations.

Experience: John asked his wife, Emily, “What’s been on your mind lately?” instead of the usual, “How was your day?” This question opened the door to a heartfelt conversation about their individual goals and how they could support each other.

Share Vulnerably

Intimacy is built on vulnerability. Share your thoughts, fears, and emotions honestly with your spouse. This encourages them to do the same, creating a safe space for intimate conversations.

Experience: Susan decided to open up to her husband, Michael, about her anxieties and insecurities. Michael reciprocated by sharing his own vulnerabilities. This newfound emotional transparency deepened their connection.

Schedule Regular Check-Ins

Set aside dedicated time for intimate conversations. Schedule regular “check-ins” with your spouse to discuss your relationship, emotions, and any issues that need addressing.

Experience: Tom and Lisa started scheduling weekly “relationship meetings” where they talked openly about their marriage. This practice helped them address concerns promptly and strengthened their bond.

Practice Gratitude

Expressing gratitude for your spouse and your relationship can lead to heartwarming conversations. Acknowledge and appreciate the positive aspects of your partnership.

Experience: Sarah and David often began their conversations by expressing gratitude for each other. This practice set a positive tone for their discussions and reminded them of the love and appreciation they shared.

Share Your Dreams

Discuss your hopes, dreams, and long-term goals with your spouse. Sharing your vision of the future allows you to align your aspirations and work together toward common objectives.

Experience: Maria and Mark spent an evening discussing their dreams and what they wanted to achieve in the next five years. This conversation brought them closer as they realized their shared aspirations.

Sharing and discussing your dreams together for the future is so important. Check out this great article on Why Every Married Couple Should Make A Vision/Goal Board.

Practice Empathy

Empathy involves understanding and sharing in your spouse’s feelings. When your partner opens up, strive to empathize and validate their emotions, even if you don’t fully understand their perspective.

Experience: Jessica and Alex had a conversation about a disagreement they couldn’t resolve. Jessica empathized with Alex’s feelings, even though she didn’t agree with him. This empathy helped Alex feel heard and valued.

Be Patient

Intimate conversations can take time, especially when discussing sensitive topics. Be patient and give your spouse the space and time they need to express themselves fully.

Experience: John and Emily had a conversation about a past conflict that had left emotional wounds. It took several sessions, but they patiently worked through their feelings, ultimately finding healing and resolution.


Intimate conversations are the key to a strong and lasting marriage. By creating the right environment, practicing active listening, asking open-ended questions, and sharing openly and honestly, you can foster deeper connections with your spouse.

Draw inspiration from the real-life experiences shared here, and make intimate conversations a regular part of your relationship, allowing your love to flourish and grow.

Ultimate Intimacy

The Ultimate Intimacy App has hundreds of conversations starters, prompts and other ways to have those intimate conversations with your spouse. Download the #1 marriage app that has helped hundreds of thousands of couples find “Ultimate Intimacy” in their relationship. Best of all, it’s FREE to download so what are you waiting for?

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