Divorce is a painful experience that many couples hope to avoid. However, learning from the mistakes of divorced couples can provide invaluable insights to strengthen and nurture a thriving marriage.
In this article, we will explore key lessons we have learned from talking with MANY divorced couples and the things that they learned, and how applying these principles to your marriage can lead to a happier and more fulfilling relationship.
Communication is Vital
Effective communication is the cornerstone of any successful relationship. Divorced couples often admit that a lack of open and honest communication contributed to their marital breakdown. Learning from their experience, it’s essential for spouses to share their thoughts, feelings, and concerns regularly. Being receptive and understanding during conversations can foster a deeper emotional connection.
It is amazing how many people contact us and ask us for our advice on a certain topic such as sex. The first question we ask them is “have you talk to your spouse about how you feel?” It probably won’t shock you to know that about 90% of the answers are no! How in the world can you fix an issue if your aren’t willing to talk to your spouse about it?
Here is a great article titled: Why Communication Is The Cornerstone For A Successful Marriage
Sex is Essential
Sexual Intimacy is a crucial aspect of a healthy marriage, and denying each other sex can lead to significant problems. Studies show that sexual differences and issues are among the leading causes of divorce. Couples should prioritize open communication about their sexual needs and desires, seeking solutions together, and maintaining a fulfilling physical connection.
Unfortunately when couples are dealing with things in their marriage, sex is the first thing to go, when in reality, it should be a way to connect and grow closer together. Couples need to connect sexually. Don’t believe us? Here is a poll we did and asked our audience (both spouses) how important sex is in their happiness in their marriage.
Bottom line, couples who have frequent sexual intimacy in their marriage are much happier all around.
It is sad that many couples use sex as a weapon against the other spouse to get what they want, or to dictate a certain behavior in the relationship, or even withhold sex as a punishment. This toxic behavior will quickly destroy your relationship.
Here is a fantastic podcast: 116. Is This Toxic Emotional And Sexual Intimacy Game Being Played In Your Marriage?
Boundaries Will Protect Your Marriage
Setting healthy boundaries is vital to safeguarding your marriage from external influences and intrusions. Social media, in particular, can be a minefield for relationships.
We have seen a lot of couples get divorced because they did not discuss and establish boundaries (what is acceptable and not acceptable) in their relationship. This could include spending time with the opposite sex, social media, how money is spent, pornography, and many other issues.
If you don’t talk about things together and establish boundaries as to what is ok and not ok in your marriage, how do you know you are crossing the line?
Here is a great article: What is the difference between rules and boundaries?
You can also listen to this great podcast 109. What Are The Differences Between Rules And Boundaries… And Why You Should Consider Boundaries To Protect Your Marriage.
Relationships Take a Lot of Work
Thriving marriages require ongoing effort and commitment. Many divorces result from spouses giving up when faced with challenges or falling into the trap of thinking the grass is greener elsewhere. Recognizing that a lasting relationship needs continuous nurturing can motivate couples to invest time and energy into maintaining a strong emotional and physical bond.
The Spark Can Be Re-Lit – Falling Back in Love Again
Divorced couples often reminisce about the initial spark and passion they once shared. The good news is that the spark can be rekindled with effort and dedication. Couples can engage in activities they used to enjoy together, plan romantic date nights, and prioritize emotional connection to reignite the flames of love.
Think about when you fell in love? What were you doing? We hear from couples that state they are no longer in love, or that the spark is gone only to find out they have stopped doing everything they did when they are dating and falling in love.
If you fell in love once, you can fall in love again by doing the same things you did when you were dating!
- Talking and getting to know each other
- Dating and spending quality time together
- Having fun!
- Prioritizing each other
No Marriage is Perfect… and That is OK!
Comparing your relationship to seemingly perfect couples on social media can lead to dissatisfaction. When we look at social media and see that everyone is beautiful, looks to have the perfect marriage, life, kids, house, car, vacations etc etc it causes you to start thinking that your marriage sucks.
The truth is EVERY relationship deals with their own trials, struggles and difficulties and if the curtains were pulled back and you could see what other couples are really going through, you would be grateful for your marriage and what you do have!
Divorcees often realize that no marriage is flawless, and every couple faces their share of challenges. Accepting this reality allows spouses to focus on their unique strengths and work together to overcome difficulties.
It’s the Little Things That Matter
Small gestures and consistent efforts can make a significant difference in a marriage. Regular date nights, quality time spent together, acts of kindness, and intimate communication can foster a deep connection between spouses.
One of the biggest things you can do is get to know your spouses love language and show your love to them in that way!
Quality Time Together is Non-Negotiable
In our fast-paced lives, it’s easy to neglect spending quality time together as a couple. Divorce often highlights the importance of cherishing and prioritizing time together. Make time for shared activities, meaningful conversations, and simply being present for one another.
There Must Be Compromise in the Relationship – Finding Middle Ground
Successful relationships involve give and take. Compromise is necessary in areas like sex, finances, hobbies, and decision-making. By understanding each other’s needs and finding middle ground, couples can build a stronger and more harmonious partnership.
When we hear couples struggle to finding middle ground, one of the most common areas is sexual intimacy. As we have discussed before, sexual differences, or dissatisfaction with sex is one of the main reasons for divorce. Whether is sex, finances or any other aspect of marriage, couples need to find common ground and compromise.
Here is a great article on Finding Sexual Balance In your Marriage.
Divorced couples have invaluable lessons to offer us about marriage. By learning from their experiences, we can foster open communication, prioritize intimacy, set healthy boundaries, and invest the necessary effort to keep the spark alive. Embracing imperfections, cherishing the little things, and finding compromise will lead to a thriving and enduring relationship that can weather any storm. Remember, your marriage’s success lies in your hands, and with commitment and dedication, you can create a love that lasts a lifetime.
One of the best resources to keep your marriage thriving is the Ultimate Intimacy App! There is a reason it is called “Ultimate Intimacy!” The app has helped over 650,000 couples and has close to a 5 star rating!
Download for free today to transform your marriage and intimacy!