03 Dec

Before we dive into the article, you may also enjoy our podcast 171. Exposing The Most Common Reasons Couples Stop Having Sexual Intimacy.

There are SO many reasons couples stop having sex. The problem is when sexual intimacy stops happening for whatever reason (or is less frequent), then couples start disconnecting both sexually and emotionally, and growing apart, because sexual intimacy and emotional intimacy go hand in hand.

If you listen to our podcast regularly, you know the importance of sexual intimacy in marriage that we continually talk about. In this episode, we talk about the most common reasons couples stop having sex and identify the things you can do to make sexual intimacy a priority in your relationship!

We often talk about how sexual intimacy is a cornerstone of a healthy and fulfilling marriage. It’s a way for couples to connect on a deep emotional and physical level.

However, there are common barriers that can hinder the development of a satisfying sexual relationship. In this article, we’ll explore some of the most prevalent obstacles to sexual intimacy in a marriage and emphasize the role of communication in overcoming them.

Lack of Communication

Effective communication is the foundation of a strong and satisfying sexual relationship. Many couples find it difficult to discuss their desires, needs, and concerns about sex openly. This lack of communication can lead to misunderstandings and unmet expectations, creating a barrier to intimacy.

The Solution: Start the conversation. Share your thoughts, desires, and fears with your spouse. Honest and compassionate communication can pave the way for better understanding and greater intimacy.

Check out this great article on how to help you have better communication titled: Open communication in the bedroom.

Negative Self-Image or Self-Love

Feelings of insecurity or negative self-image can significantly impact one’s ability to feel comfortable and confident during sexual encounters. When individuals struggle with self-love, they may find it challenging to fully embrace intimacy with their spouse.

The Solution: Work on self-love and self-acceptance. Remember that your spouse loves you for who you are, both inside and out. Overcoming self-doubt can be a transformative experience that enhances your sexual connection.

Stress, Anxiety, or Depression

The demands of life can lead to high levels of stress, anxiety, or even depression, which can greatly affect sexual intimacy. These mental health concerns may lead to decreased libido and a lack of sexual desire.

The Solution: Seek professional help if needed and explore ways to reduce stress and anxiety together. A calm and relaxed mind can contribute to a more satisfying sexual experience.

Past Trauma or Experiences

Traumatic experiences or past relationships can haunt individuals, making it difficult to fully engage in sexual intimacy. Memories of past pain, rejection, or abuse can be significant barriers.

The Solution: Seek therapy or counseling to address past traumas and work through these issues together as a couple. With support and understanding, you can overcome these obstacles.

Painful or Uncomfortable Sex

Physical discomfort during sexual activity can be a significant barrier to intimacy. Conditions such as vaginismus or erectile dysfunction can lead to pain or discomfort, creating challenges for couples.

The Solution: Consult a healthcare professional to address physical concerns and explore possible treatments or therapies. Open communication about the issue is crucial.

Also remember that you don’t have to have sexual intercourse to be sexually intimate. Try other things to help make this intimate time together more comfortable.

Fear of Not Pleasing Your Spouse

Worrying about one’s ability to satisfy their spouse can be a source of anxiety during intimate moments. This fear can lead to performance anxiety and hinder the enjoyment of sex.

The Solution: Understand that sexual satisfaction is a mutual effort, and it’s about the connection between you and your spouse, not just performance. Reassure each other and communicate openly about your desires.

Also there are several articles and resources on the Ultimate Intimacy App to help you understand and overcome any anxiety or fear you may be dealing with. Check it out at Ultimateintimacy.com


In our busy lives, it’s easy to let distractions interfere with intimate moments. Technology, work, and other responsibilities can pull focus away from one another. This is probably the most common barrier for couples that keep them from having the sexual intimacy they desire.

The Solution: Create a distraction-free environment. Set aside time for intimacy and establish boundaries for technology and other distractions during these moments.

Not a Priority

Sometimes, couples may prioritize other aspects of their lives over their sexual relationship, leading to a lack of intimacy. This is often the case especially for the lower desire spouse. You have to make sexual intimacy a priority in your marriage if you want to succeed.

The Solution: Recognize the importance of sexual intimacy in maintaining a healthy marriage. Prioritize your relationship and make time for intimacy.


Overcoming barriers to sexual intimacy in a marriage requires honest and compassionate communication. Acknowledging the obstacles you face and addressing them together as a couple can lead to a more fulfilling and satisfying sexual relationship.

Answer the questions honestly and discuss them with your spouse to create a stronger bond and a more intimate connection. Remember, building a robust sexual relationship is a shared journey that requires understanding and openness.

Ultimate Intimacy

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