05 May

According to numerous divorce attorneys, lack of intimacy ranks as the second most common reason for divorce, with infidelity often topping the list, a consequence frequently stemming from the former. The absence of sexual and emotional closeness stands as a primary catalyst for marital breakdown. Many couples, despite sharing profound affection, compatibility, and enjoyable moments, find their unions faltering due to insufficient sexual fulfillment.

This scenario, though harsh, is an all-too-familiar reality. How can the absence of sexual intimacy unravel an otherwise solid marriage? This article aims to explore the significance of sex in a man’s (and sometimes a woman’s) life and shed light on the repercussions of sexual rejection.

How many of us can relate to this scenario? As a spouse, after a long day of work, childcare, household chores, and errands, all you crave is to unwind with your phone or drift off to sleep. Your spouse approaches you with affection, hinting at intimacy.

Mentally drained, you resist the idea of engaging in sexual activity or attending to their needs. This cycle repeats frequently, with each night seemingly unfit for intimacy.

This dynamic resonates with many couples. The husband desires intimacy, yet the wife’s (or low desire spouses) disinterest leads to repeated rejections, fostering discord within the marriage.

This article seeks to provide insight into why sexual intimacy holds paramount importance for a husband’s happiness and the survival of the marital bond.


While women may perceive their husband’s desire for sex as mere preference or want for sex, what if it were as crucial to his well-being as food, water, or air? While not a matter of physical survival, the statistics underscore its significance in sustaining a healthy relationship. Just as a woman requires emotional connection and communication, a man thrives on sexual intimacy for a sense of love and appreciation.

To a man, sex parallels the importance of meaningful conversation to a woman. It’s a fundamental aspect of feeling loved and valued. Without it, he experiences a void that permeates every facet of his life.


For a man, sex serves various purposes:

  1. Connection: After a taxing day, sex serves as a means to reconnect with his spouse, not merely driven by physical desire but by a longing for emotional closeness.
  2. Stress Relief: Intimacy offers a potent outlet for stress, providing a much-needed release for accumulated tension.
  3. Confidence Booster: Sexual fulfillment bolsters a man’s confidence, transforming his demeanor from despondent to assured. Feeling desired by his partner reaffirms his self-worth and strengthens the marital bond.
  4. Love Language: The majority of men have physical touch as their love language. That means they feel loved through touch (or sexual intimacy), this is how many men feel loved.


Men interpret rejection as a personal affront, questioning their desirability and their spouse’s love and affection. The sense of being unwanted or unloved weighs heavily on their psyche, fostering insecurity and resentment. While it’s ABSOLUTELY acceptable for a wife to decline sex, the manner in which she communicates her disinterest significantly affects her husband’s emotional well-being.


Rather than outright refusal, consider alternative responses to declining intimacy. Expressing a willingness to engage at a later time or offering reassurance can mitigate feelings of rejection while preserving marital harmony.

It could look like this: “Sweetheart, I would really like to connect with you, can we do it tomorrow night when I can be ready?”

Do you think any husband would be disappointed by this? No way! He would be excited and looking forward to the next day.


Scheduling intimate moments can alleviate the uncertainty and tension surrounding sexual encounters. It fosters anticipation, enhances preparedness, and ensures both spouses are mentally and emotionally present. By addressing the needs of both high and low desire spouses, scheduled intimacy promotes mutual satisfaction and strengthens the marital bond.

Check out this great podcast episode 104. Why We Have Completely Changed Our Mindset About Scheduling Sex.

For many people the concept of scheduling sex goes completely against what we are led to believe from watching the movies. In the movies, both people are ready to go at a moments notice and ALWAYS seem to be in the mood whether morning, afternoon or evening. It’s as if they have nothing better to do. Well… the movies are a fantasy and that is not what reality is for all of us people off the big screen. In real life, couples seldom are both in the mood at the same time and sex often doesn’t happen spontaneously as life is so busy with work, kids and many other things.

Scheduling sex can be an amazing thing for several reasons and after listening to this podcast, you may just find yourself scheduling sex in your relationship for better and more frequent sexual intimacy.


An Instagram poll we conducted among husbands reaffirmed the multifaceted role of sex in their lives. We asked the question “Does sex play an important role in your happiness in your marriage?” and 95% said YES! Their responses emphasized the desire for connection, love, and mutual pleasure, underscoring the significance of sexual intimacy in marital happiness.

In conclusion, sexual intimacy is not merely a physical act but a vital component of marital harmony. Recognizing its importance and addressing the needs of both partners fosters a fulfilling and enduring relationship.

Ultimate Intimacy

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