25 Feb

Sexual rejection hurts like no other! It is an inevitable aspect of any relationship, but how you handle it can significantly impact the dynamics and well-being of your relationship. While it’s essential to be honest and communicate your needs, there are right and wrong ways to reject your spouse sexually. Have you ever thought of that?

You may also like our podcast episode 237. “How” To Reject Your Spouse Sexually… What Healthy Rejection Looks Like.

Let’s explore some common pitfalls and constructive approaches to navigating sexual rejection in your relationship.

The Wrong Ways to Reject Your Spouse Sexually

Ignoring or dismissing their advances: Brushing off your spouse’s sexual advances without acknowledgment or explanation can leave them feeling rejected and unimportant.

Example: “I’m too tired, let’s just go to sleep.”

Using excuses or lies: Fabricating excuses to avoid sexual intimacy can erode trust and breed resentment in your relationship.

Example: “I have a headache,” when in reality, you’re simply not in the mood.

Criticizing or belittling their desires: Invalidating your spouse’s sexual desires can damage their self-esteem and create a barrier to intimacy.

Example: “That’s a ridiculous request. Why would you even want to do that?”

Blaming external factors: Shifting the blame onto external factors, such as stress or workload, instead of addressing underlying issues, can hinder open communication and problem-solving.

Example: “I’m too stressed from work right now.”

When you reject your spouse in the wrong ways, you send a message to them that they don’t matter to you, that you are not interested in them or desire them. Be very careful in “how” you reject your spouse. Constant rejection will absolutely lead to a breakdown in the marriage.

The Right Ways to Reject Your Spouse Sexually

Acknowledge their advances with empathy: Even if you’re not in the mood for sexual intimacy, acknowledge your spouse’s desires with empathy and understanding.

Example: “I appreciate you wanting to make love, but I’m just not feeling up for it tonight. Can I make it up to you another night?”

Offer alternative solutions or compromises: Suggesting alternative times or activities for sexual intimacy shows that you value your spouse’s needs and are willing to find a solution that works for both of you.

Example: “I’m not in the mood tonight, but we can make love tomorrow night instead?”

Communicate honestly and respectfully: Be honest about your feelings and desires while maintaining respect and empathy for your partner’s perspective.

Example: “I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed right now, but I’m open to talking about it further if you’d like.”

Reassure your spouse of your love and attraction: Expressing your love and attraction to your spouse, even when rejecting sexual advances, reinforces the emotional connection and strengthens your bond.

Example: “I love you deeply, but I’m just not feeling it tonight. Can we connect in another way instead.”

For more understanding and ways to deal with sexual rejection, check out is great blog article Sexual Rejection: How Your Husband Really Feels. We recognize it is not just the husbands that get sexually rejected and this article can offer some great insight regardless of is you are a husband or wife dealing with this.


Navigating sexual rejection in a relationship requires sensitivity, empathy, and effective communication. By avoiding common pitfalls and adopting constructive approaches, couples can maintain trust, intimacy, and mutual respect even in moments of sexual rejection. Remember, honesty, empathy, and compromise are key to fostering a healthy and fulfilling sexual connection with your spouse.

Also check out our great podcast 217. Sexual Rejection In Marriage: Let’s Talk About It.

You often hear us talk about how there is typically (in most marriages) a low desire spouse, and a high desire spouse when it comes to sexual intimacy. This imbalance can potentially cause a lot of disconnect and for many couples, even leads to divorce. 

In most of these relationships the lower desire spouse controls “if” and “when” sex happens which can be very frustrating for both spouses. The low desire spouse is constantly rejecting, and the higher desire spouse is being rejected. 

In this podcast episode we talk about what sexual rejection does to the lower desire spouse and the long term consequences in marriage, and why it is so important for couples to find a balance in their relationship. 

Just because one of you may be a higher desire spouse and the other may be a lower desire spouse, that doesn’t mean you can’t thrive in your sexual relationship, because you can! We will share with you how.

Ultimate Intimacy

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