You may also enjoy our podcast 179. 11 Very Important Things We Learned From Divorced Couples
Divorce is a heart-wrenching experience that many couples hope to avoid, but the lessons learned from divorced couples can provide invaluable insights to strengthen and nurture a thriving marriage. We can.. and should learn valuable lessons about marriage from couples whom have experienced divorce, because many of them look back and realized why they failed.
My parents are divorced and the things I have learned from them have been extremely important for finding success in my own marriage.
In this article, we will explore key lessons derived from conversations with numerous divorced couples and how applying these principles to your marriage can lead to a happier and more fulfilling relationship.
Effective Communication is Vital
The foundation of any successful relationship is effective communication. Divorced couples often attribute their marital breakdown to a lack of open and honest communication. Learning from their experiences, it is crucial for spouses to regularly share their thoughts, feelings, and concerns. Being receptive and understanding during these conversations can foster a deeper emotional connection.
Amazingly, many individuals reach out to us seeking advice on various topics, such as sex. When we ask them if they’ve discussed their feelings with their spouse, approximately 90% admit they haven’t. It’s impossible to resolve issues without open communication with your spouse.
What Happens in Marriage When There’s a Lack of Communication?
Prioritize Sexual Intimacy
Sexual intimacy is a fundamental component of a healthy marriage, and neglecting it can lead to significant problems. Studies reveal that sexual differences and issues are among the leading causes of divorce.
Couples should prioritize open communication about their sexual needs and desires, finding solutions together and maintaining a fulfilling physical connection.
Unfortunately, during times of trouble in a marriage, sex often becomes the first casualty. In reality, it should serve as a means to connect and grow closer. In a poll we conducted, both spouses emphasized how important sex is to their overall marital happiness.
Setting Boundaries Will Protect Your Marriage
Establishing healthy boundaries is crucial to protect your marriage from external influences and intrusions. The realm of social media, in particular, can be a minefield for relationships. Many divorces result from the failure to discuss and set boundaries, such as appropriate interactions with the opposite sex, social media usage, financial decisions, and more.
If you don’t communicate and establish boundaries together, how will you know when you’ve crossed a line? Boundaries are there to protect your marriage, so set them together.
Relationships Require Ongoing Effort
Thriving marriages demand consistent effort and commitment. Many divorces stem from spouses giving up when faced with challenges or succumbing to the belief that the grass is greener elsewhere. Recognizing that a lasting relationship necessitates continuous nurturing can motivate couples to invest time and energy in maintaining a strong emotional and physical bond.
Rekindling the Spark
Divorced couples often reminisce about the initial spark and passion they once shared. The good news is that the spark can be rekindled with effort and dedication. Couples can engage in activities they used to enjoy together, plan romantic date nights, and prioritize emotional connection to reignite the flames of love.
Consider when you first fell in love and what you were doing together. Many couples report falling out of love only to realize that they’ve stopped doing the things that brought them together in the first place.
No Marriage is Perfect
Comparing your relationship to seemingly perfect couples on social media can lead to dissatisfaction. Every relationship faces trials, struggles, and difficulties. Divorcees often realize that no marriage is flawless, allowing spouses to focus on their unique strengths and work together to overcome challenges.
It’s the Little Things That Matter
Small gestures and consistent efforts can make a significant difference in a marriage. Regular date nights, quality time spent together, acts of kindness, and intimate communication can foster a deep connection between spouses.
Understanding your spouse’s love language and showing your love accordingly can be one of the most significant gestures.
Quality Time Together is Non-Negotiable
In our fast-paced lives, it’s easy to neglect spending quality time as a couple. Divorce often highlights the importance of cherishing and prioritizing time together. Make time for shared activities, meaningful conversations, and simply being present for one another.
Finding Middle Ground
Successful relationships involve give and take. Compromise is necessary in various aspects of marriage, whether it’s sex, finances, hobbies, or decision-making. By understanding each other’s needs and finding middle ground, couples can build a stronger and more harmonious partnership.
Divorced couples have invaluable lessons to offer about marriage. By learning from their experiences, we can foster open communication, prioritize intimacy, set healthy boundaries, and invest the necessary effort to keep the spark alive.
Embracing imperfections, cherishing the little things, and finding compromise will lead to a thriving and enduring relationship that can weather any storm. Remember, the success of your marriage lies in your hands, and with commitment and dedication, you can create a love that lasts a lifetime.
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