Marriage is often likened to sailing through life’s unpredictable seas together. Sometimes the waters are calm and things are beautiful and amazing, but other times, storms brew, testing the strength of the relationship, and you wonder “how am I ever going to get through this.”
When people are faced with challenges, it’s tempting (and often feels easier) to steer away, to ignore the brewing tempests, hoping they’ll dissipate on their own. However, history tells us that avoiding problems in marriage only leads to greater turbulence ahead.
Here’s why running from marital problems, be it financial strains, sexual issues, or any other underlying concerns, is akin to pouring fuel on the fire and is bound to make things much worse in the long run when we ignore them or run from our problems:
Financial Struggles
Money has long been cited as a leading cause of marital discord. Whether it’s overspending, debt accumulation, or conflicting financial goals, sweeping money matters under the rug can breed resentment and distrust.
Take the case of Sarah and Mark. Sarah, a compulsive spender, buried her mounting credit card debt, and hid it from Mark, fearing Mark’s reaction. The more she got in debt, the more she tried to hide it and the more stress and pressure it put on her, and the relationship. Mark didn’t know what was going on, or why their relationship was feeling so distant, until one day when the credit card was denied and Mark found out it was maxed out!
Solution: Open and honest communication about finances is paramount. Couples should set aside dedicated time to discuss financial goals, create a budget, and allocate responsibilities. Seeking financial counseling or therapy can also provide a neutral platform for addressing money-related issues.
Intimacy Imbalance
Sexual compatibility is integral to a fulfilling marriage. However, differing libidos, unresolved conflicts, or physical intimacy issues can erode the marital bond over time. Instead of addressing these concerns head-on, some couples resort to avoidance, leading to emotional distance and resentment.
Consider the scenario of John and Emily. John’s extremely high stress, and demanding job left him exhausted and stressed to the max, while Emily craved intimacy and connection when he got home. Rather than addressing his feelings and expressing it to her, John avoided the topic altogether, leading to feelings of rejection and loneliness for Emily. She thought the constant rejection was due to something she did.
The constant rejection caused her to feel unloved and they drifted apart. If John only would have talked about it!
Solution: Initiating an open dialogue about sexual needs and desires can foster understanding and intimacy. Couples can explore therapy or sex counseling to address underlying issues and learn effective communication and intimacy-building techniques.
Communication Breakdown
Effective communication forms the bedrock of a healthy marriage. However, miscommunication, passive-aggressive behavior, or unresolved conflicts can create a chasm between couples. Ignoring communication breakdowns only deepens the divide, fueling resentment and isolation.
Take the example of Tom and Lisa. Instead of addressing their disagreements constructively, they resorted to stonewalling and silent treatment. Over time, their inability to communicate effectively led to mounting frustration and emotional detachment.
Solution: Cultivating active listening skills and fostering an environment of mutual respect and empathy is essential. Couples can benefit from couples therapy or communication workshops to learn conflict resolution strategies and enhance communication patterns.
Check out this great article titled: Tips for Excellent Communication in Marriage to help you have better communication, especially through the stormy times in life.
You may also enjoy this podcast episode titled: 97. What Are Your Communication Styles?.. And How Knowing Your Style Can Change Your Marriage.
Conclusion
In the tumultuous journey of marriage, facing problems head-on is the only way to navigate the stormy seas successfully. Running away or ignoring issues only exacerbates underlying tensions, threatening the very foundation of the relationship.
Remember, in the face of adversity, it’s not about avoiding the storm but learning to dance in the rain together. So, let’s confront the waves of uncertainty hand in hand, knowing that true strength lies in our ability to weather the storm together.
Ultimate Intimacy
