09 May

Assumptions in marriage can be like hidden landmines, ready to detonate at any moment. We’ve all been guilty of it at some point: assuming we know what our spouse is thinking, feeling, or intending. Yet, more often than not, these assumptions lead us astray, causing unnecessary rifts in the fabric of our relationship. When you make an assumption, you are probably going to be wrong 90% of the time.

Consider the word “Assume” and what happens when you break it apart. I had someone once tell me, when you assume, you make an “ass” out of “u” and “me.” There is actually a lot of wisdom and truth to that statement, as if you assume something, you are most likely going to be wrong.

In this article, we’ll delve into why making assumptions can be so damaging to marriage and share some poignant examples to illustrate the point.

Communication, the cornerstone of any healthy marriage, can easily be overshadowed by the allure of assumption. When we assume we understand our spouse’s inner world without actually engaging in meaningful dialogue, we set ourselves up for disappointment, misunderstanding, and conflict. Let’s explore why this happens.

The Fallacy of Mind-Reading

One of the most common assumptions in marriage is the belief that we can accurately decipher our spouse’s thoughts and emotions without them uttering a single word. This fallacy of mind-reading is a recipe for disaster. Consider this scenario:

Example: Sarah comes home from work feeling exhausted and irritable. Her husband, John, assumes she’s upset with him and begins to withdraw, leading Sarah to feel even more frustrated and isolated. In reality, Sarah’s bad mood has nothing to do with John; she’s simply stressed from a challenging day at the office.

Example: John initiates sexual intimacy with his wife, but she tells him she tell him no because she is not feeling well. John assumes that is just an excuse and she doesn’t want to me intimate with him. What John doesn’t know is that his wife ate something bad that day and feels like she has food poisoning.

The Misinterpretation Trap

Assumptions often stem from misinterpretations of our spouses words or actions. Instead of seeking clarification, we jump to conclusions based on our own biases and insecurities. Here’s an example:

Example: During a casual conversation, Mark mentions that he’ll be working late tonight. His wife, Emily, immediately assumes he’s prioritizing work over their relationship and accuses him of neglecting their family. In reality, Mark’s workload has increased temporarily due to a project deadline, and he’s already feeling guilty about missing dinner with his family.

Assumptions in marriage can be like hidden landmines, ready to detonate at any moment.

Unspoken Expectations

Unspoken expectations are breeding grounds for assumptions. When we expect our spouse to fulfill certain roles or behave in specific ways without clearly expressing our needs, it sets the stage for disappointment and resentment. Consider this example:

Example: Lisa assumes her husband, Mike, will spontaneously plan a romantic anniversary celebration because he’s always been thoughtful in the past. When Mike fails to make any plans, Lisa feels hurt and unappreciated, while Mike is oblivious to her disappointment because he didn’t realize it was important to her.

The Antidote: Open Communication

The antidote to the poison of assumptions is simple yet profound: open communication. Instead of relying on guesswork, couples must prioritize honest and empathetic dialogue. By actively listening to each other’s perspectives, asking clarifying questions, and expressing their own thoughts and feelings openly, couples can avoid the pitfalls of assumption and foster a deeper connection.


In the intricate tapestry of marriage, assumptions are the frayed threads that threaten to unravel the fabric of love and understanding. By recognizing the dangers of assumption and embracing the power of communication, couples can navigate the inevitable challenges of marriage with grace and resilience.

Remember, it’s better to ask questions than to jump to conclusions, for in the space between assumption and understanding lies the true essence of intimacy.

Ultimate Intimacy

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