Marriage is a beautiful journey filled with love, companionship, and growth. However, like any journey, it can have its share of bumps and detours.
In this article, we’ll explore some common toxic behaviors that can harm a marriage and provide insights into how to build a strong, healthy relationship. Let’s dive in!
Constant Criticism and Nagging:
Criticism and nagging can chip away at the foundation of a marriage. Instead of pointing out flaws, focus on open communication and constructive feedback. A little positivity can go a long way in strengthening your relationship.
Did you know the way you speak to your spouse can have severe consequences?
Controlling Behavior:
Healthy marriages thrive on trust and respect. Avoid controlling your spouse’s actions or choices. Embrace individuality and set boundaries that both spouses agree upon.
Isolation:
Isolating your spouse from friends and family can lead to a sense of confinement. Encourage each other to maintain meaningful connections outside of the marriage while fostering a supportive environment within it.
Stonewalling:
Refusing to communicate or engage in problem-solving can create emotional distance. Be open to discussing difficult topics and give each other space when needed, but always commit to resolving issues together.
Gaslighting:
Manipulating or distorting reality to create doubt or confusion is emotionally abusive. Trust and honesty are the foundation of any strong marriage, so refrain from gaslighting your spouse.
Excessive Jealousy:
Jealousy can be toxic if it becomes a controlling factor. Trust each other and set healthy boundaries to maintain a secure and harmonious relationship.
Silent Treatment:
Giving your spouse the silent treatment can lead to unnecessary tension. If you need space or time to cool off after an argument, communicate your intentions and reassure your spouse of your commitment to resolving the issue.
Withholding Affection or Sex:
Using physical intimacy as a bargaining tool is detrimental to a marriage. Prioritize intimacy, both physical and emotional, to maintain a strong connection.
Check out this great podcast we did titled: 116. Is This Toxic Emotional And Sexual Intimacy Game Being Played In Your Marriage?
We recently did a video on social media for the men titled “the reasons your wife doesn’t want to make love to you.” We have heard a lot of the women state it is because their emotional needs are not being met. In one of the comments from the video, a husband stated:
“A man’s emotional needs are linked to his wife making love to him, which she won’t do unless her emotional needs are met first, Thus the man becomes responsible for his and his wife’s emotional needs.”This was a powerful statement which caused us to do this podcast, and reflect on this in our marriage as well.
Most women want an emotional connection before having a physical connection with their husband. And for most men, they need to have the physical connection before they will feel safe enough for the emotional vulnerability and connection with their wife.
So for MANY marriages it looks like this:
The wife will withhold sexual intimacy (and sometimes use it as a weapon) as a punishment to try to get the emotional intimacy she wants from her husband.
The husband is usually upset and doesn’t meet his wife’s emotional needs because his wife won’t meet the physical needs in the relationship (because a husband needs the physical connection first).
Sound familiar? This toxic game is played in many relationships.. and in this game, no one ever wins and the marriage suffers from it, many times ending in divorce. In this episode, we discuss the games that are played and the things couples can do to get both of their needs met so they can have a fulfilling marriage.
Constant Blaming:
Blaming your spouse for everything can create resentment. Instead, approach problems as a team and take responsibility for your own actions and mistakes.
Threats:
Threatening your spouse, whether directly or indirectly, is a harmful behavior that should never be tolerated. Healthy communication is essential for a thriving marriage.
Financial Control:
Financial control can be a source of tension, especially in situations where one spouse earns significantly more. Share financial responsibilities, set mutual financial goals, and ensure both of you have some financial autonomy.
Constant Sarcasm:
While light-hearted humor can be fun, excessive sarcasm, especially when hurtful, should be avoided. Always be mindful of your spouse’s feelings.
Invalidation:
Dismissal of your spouse’s thoughts and feelings can erode trust and emotional intimacy. Validate your spouse’s experiences and show empathy and understanding.
Public Humiliation:
Embarrassing your spouse in front of others is not only hurtful but also disrespectful. Uphold your spouse’s dignity and save discussions for private moments.
Using Children:
Using your children as pawns or trying to manipulate them to take sides in disagreements is harmful to both the children and the marriage. Keep your children out of conflicts and work together as a united front.
Conclusion: Building a strong and healthy marriage is an ongoing process that requires effort, communication, and mutual respect. By avoiding these toxic behaviors and nurturing a supportive, loving relationship, you can create a marriage that thrives and stands the test of time. Remember, you are a team, and together you can conquer any challenge that comes your way.
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